"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
