Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
