I accidentally burped into my bong.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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