sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
