Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
