There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
