Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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