I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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