so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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