you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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