trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
