dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
