Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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