GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
