You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
