i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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