Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
