My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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