If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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