Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
