I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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