yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Green mimosas i think yes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
