Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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