Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
