This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
