They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
