WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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