I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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