he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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