finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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