i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
