You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
