i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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