I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
