It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
