we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
