now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
