The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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