I puked a lego.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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