It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
