We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
