my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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