I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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