I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
