im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
