Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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