why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
