areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
