Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
