I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
