Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
