they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
