remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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