Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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