Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
