then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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