If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
